No More Healing, Ever!

No More Healing, Ever!


Well, here it is folks. Phaelia’s left the World Tree behind to go tend to her sprout, and BRK is likewise taking a break from WoW to spend time with family. And now me–I’m announcing today that I am changing my main character to my ret paladin Marfisa. I regret to inform you all that I will no longer be healing, ever. This blog is now exclusively about my determination to hit things upside the kneecap with a blunt instrument.

The Top Ten Reasons to Switch to Ret Paladin

10. Sure, I’m good at healing. But I’ve got a lot more room for improvement in the dps department.

9. I absolutely love regular 5-mans. I haven’t been to one on Marfi since Scholomance, but that’s not about to stop me.

8. I adore PuGs. No one ever, ever hears me complaining about fail PuGs. In fact, I love it when people play badly on purpose. As soon as I finish this post, I’m going to join a regular Nexus group and jump off all the ledges to my death, repeatedly. Bonus points if I can aggro some stuff onto my group while I’m at it.

7. Ret paladins are good at ganking people (or, at least, they’re better at it than resto druids). From now on I’m going to harass innocent people trying to do their Hodir dailies. I’ll be watching for someone to pull a couple of mobs, and when their health’s at 50%, bam! paladin burst damage, right to the face.

6. Crusader aura makes my gryphon fly faster and thus helps him burn calories. Everyone hates fat gryphons, so I’m doing the world a public service.

5. I really love the Macarena. It’s so much better than the Night Elf pole dance. Watching Marfi do her /dance emote brings back fond memories of that Carnival cruise I went on in 1997. . .

4. No more unit frames, no more mouseover macros. Just me and the numbers 1-6. I now have a free hand for gin and tonics while raiding.

3. I can pop wings every time I take a screenshot of myself. I am the angel of death!

2. Using Seal of the Martyr makes me feel superior to all the other dps. Look what I sacrificed to kill this boss! I deserve a medal. Whenever I have Seal of the Martyr up, I can throw my self-sacrifice in the faces of my selfish guild members and make them hate themselves for being such indulgent slackers.

1. With her new haircut, Marfi could be singer Lady GaGa’s twin. Don’t believe me? Check out the photo below. They were separated at birth, I swear. Maybe if hitting things doesn’t work out, Marfi can have a career as a pop singer. Half psychotic, sick hypnotic, indeed.


Oh and, by the way, happy April Fools Day kiddos.

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  1. nice. going from healer to dps is more extreme as an april fool’s than going from frost to fire =(

    krizzlybears last blog post..Welcome to Fire is the New Black!

  2. No more unit frames, no more mouseover macros. Just me and the numbers 1-6. I now have a free hand for gin and tonics while raiding.

    I LOLed right there. I feel your pain, too.

    Ithatos last blog post..Rule 76: No Excuses, Play Like a Champion

  3. I pop my wings for every screenshot ๐Ÿ™

    Dougs last blog post..Doug_Williams: If I were a company I’d make a big, real announcement on April Fool’s

  4. Classic ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. Karthis says:

    *sighs* I hate April 1st. I instinctively trust NOTHING posted today. Tell me again why this sort of thing is fun?

    Karthiss last blog post..AFK on Side Project

  6. Almost. You ALMOST had me until I got to the list. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Nice post, and glad to hear we aren’t losing a great healer’s blog!


  7. You forgot to add

    I want to be Ret so I can be as awesome as KIMBORICE

  8. @ Kimbo:

    OOPS. That should have been #8.

  9. Hah.. As soon as I read “No more healing,” I knew it was a joke.. Well that, and the “Filed under ‘Silly'” kinda gave it away, too.. hehe ๐Ÿ™‚

    Great read, Syd

    I hate April Fool’s Day.. lol

  10. /scoff

    I have mouseover macro’s coming out my ears, Sy. Pshaw.

    Happy April Fool’s

  11. Almost…had…me…NOT! I hate this day. I oftentimes don’t even believe myself! ๐Ÿ˜›

  12. I love this day ๐Ÿ™‚

    Veneretios last blog post..Do we have Infinite Rage or No Rage?

  13. Awww… as a ret pally… you got me good…


  14. /checks the date

    Sure. No healing. Yeah, I believe you.

  15. apokteino says:

    your ganking technique is slightly off, syd. circle high over head till your victim agros a mob and drops to about 75% health. swoop down/wings/pwn. stop at about 10% and let the mob kill him so he takes 10% durability loss. = D

    post-ganking technique is equally important. kill whatever mobs are agrod quickly, mount and fly back up. type /dnd LOL QQ MORE B/C I PWND YOU SCRUB in case he switches over to a toon that is alligned with your faction. if he doesn’t, simply wait for him to rez. rinse and repeat while staying on the look out for any friends he may have called to help him.

    after a failed undying run, few things are as satisfying as camping someone.

  16. Smartteaus says:

    Eventually you will rejoin the darkside and respec holy!!!!!

  17. Yeah well, Kimbo told me I was healing next weekend for alt Naxx 25s…sigh.

  18. cringer says:

    True story – I’m moving to a new place and I am having my cable modem shut off tomorrow and don’t know when I will have it replaced in the new house. I told my guild today that I’m having my cable shut off and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get back to the game. None of them believed me. April Fools day is so cruel.

  19. Welcome to the dark side, we have cookies and qq.

    In all honesty, even if it is April first (2nd now :P), go for it. It is so much easier to gain a perspective on what you enjoy and why if you try and change what you do, My Paladin has been retribution for 70 levels, Protection for 10, my Death Knight has never been anything but Blood (and tanking Blood too!) because it suits me. Sure I have healed, I have DPS’d but what I enjoy is tanking.

    A fool it may be, but the post is worth noting and perhaps going out and trying something new just to see why it is you still want to play, and what. We have lost several of the community recently to real life, boredom and similar, and what we must realise is that this is a game we play for fun, if its not fun, then why do we spend so much time in the virtual world.

    Good luck in your new ret hat, and try the protection one as well, there is nothing more insightful to a different perspective than trying something new.

    2nd Nins last blog post..Placing the Lich King

  20. I guess to make up the deficit I will have to go out and roll a priest or something ๐Ÿ˜‰

    zupas last blog post..DON’T PANIC

  21. “Crusader aura makes my gryphon fly faster and thus helps him burn calories. Everyone hates fat gryphons, so Iรƒยขรขโ€šยฌรขโ€žยขm doing the world a public service.”

    Damn right you are! That’s why I prefer mechanostriders, they cant get fat! Atleast one thing the gnomes did allright.

    SuicidalPriests last blog post..Dual spec update

  22. @ Sydera,

    UR 2 Funny!!!!!

    I knew something was up when you said that the Macerana was a better dance than the Night Elf Dance (courtesy of Alizee – french singer).


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