Guys, get this. I was in Starbucks the other day. Just ordered my coffee (I like mine mild) and as I’m adding non-fat milk, my eyes dart over to this guy in a suit next to me. Noticed he was adding sweetener to his coffee. Not only that, he put Soy in it.

And his stirring technique was way off.

He was using his stir stick going clockwise 3 times before going once counter clockwise. Everyone knows proper technique is to go 2 clockwise and 2 counterclockwise to really optimize distribution of cream to sugar. He wasn’t even mixing it the right way. No way did he deserve to be at Starbucks.

He also has to use exactly 2 cream and 2 sugar.

I mean what a total scrub, right? He should just quit coffee entirely. What a casual. That’s not real coffee. Him drinking coffee is ruining my caffeine ingesting experience. He should be using real cream and legit sugar. Oh not only that, there was no lid on his cup of coffee. Come to think of it, I don’t think the cup that coffee was in is even worthy of that coffee that he’s drinking.

Sometimes I think real coffee is only for the hardcore crowd.

All the noobs should stick to instant.

You know, speaking of coffee, many of friends give me sass for drinking that stuff. Someone brought up the point that coffee’s just getting too old and outdated. Energy drinks are the way to go now.

There’s more energy in them.

There’s different taste.

And it’s just a new, different experience altogether.

But come on, let’s be real.  When a new energy drink comes out, I’ll try it out for a bit. I might even give it a month or two. But after a while, I just end up losing interest and switch back to coffee. Yeah, I guess coffee can be boring. But you know, I go to different coffee shops. Every few months, they release new blends and brewing techniques. The experience is slightly different but at least you’ve surrounded with the warmth and familiarity coffee has to offer. You’ll always have that small group of people who’ll enjoy their energy drinks despite the fact that coffee continues to be one of the biggest on the planet.

Now you might make fun of me for this, but I like to add a little non-fat milk to my coffee. Helps cool it down a little quicker which means I can consume it earlier without risking my mouth being incinerated. Even I get made fun of by the real hardcore crowd. We’re talking the 1% here. They tend to be the first people in their regions to try out new coffee.

They drink theirs black and look down on everyone else that adds cream or sugar. Something about altering the secondary stats of coffee and it being the complete wrong setup?

And then you’ve got the crazy folk who add honey.

You know, there’s more coffee shops around then before. Here we’ve got Starbucks, Waves and Tim Hortons (I hate Tim Hortons). It’s really increased accessibility. I’m seeing more and more people drinking coffee now than before. I guess that’s okay though. I mean, why shouldn’t people get to experience coffee regularly? I can understand the fact that not everyone has the ability to set aside time in their week to really sit down and enjoy their coffee. At least they’ll still get that chance.

What’s really annoying is the people who like to make snide remarks about your coffee preferences months and months after you change them.

Seriously. Get a life.

All I want to do is to enjoy my coffee in peace. Maybe I can’t drink as much of it as the best coffee drinkers in the world, but I’d like to think I can hold my own. I know some people out there have questioned my choice in blend, size, roast and milk usage. Some are even appalled that I don’t add sugar! But honestly, coffee can be enjoyed in a variety of different ways. There’s no one ultimate way to brew coffee. So why the remarks, huh? How am I harming you?

The way I drink my coffee has no impact on the way you enjoy yours.

Hmm, maybe that’s the way it should be approached. Of course I might randomly make fun of people I know based on how they drink their coffee. But as long as they’re enjoying it, why give them too hard of a time? Coffee should just be enjoyed best by however people choose.

And all you coffee haters out there?

Go back to drinking tea.

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About Matticus

Matticus is the founder of World of Matticus and Plus Heal. Read more of his columns at WoW Insider. League of Legends player. Caffeine enthusiast.