The Matticus Hypothesis

Even if instructions are explained over vent, there will always be someone who claims that they didn’t hear it.

As I write this, it’s a sunny sunday afternoon and we have just finished wipe one of a night that will be full of many wipes, I am sure.

This is what happened 5 minutes ago. The target is Archimonde. Our objective is to survive. Killing him would be nice. But our main goal is to practice airbursts and doomfires. The Guild QB starts speaking:

"If you see Doomfire coming in your direction, run in a straight line behind you. If you’re a healer, make sure other healers know that you’re running so that someone can keep a close eye on Lang. He’s going to be tanking this guy."

Another lead speaks up at this point, "We don’t want doomfires to encircle and isolate the raid and box them in. It is absolutely imperative and important that you run in a straight line behind you. Remember that we’re setting up compass positions for this one and we’re cheating slightly towards the cliff. I’m going to say again. If a doomfire comes towards you, run in a straight line behind you."

"Lang, call the ball."

Our MT then proceeds to pull.

30 odd seconds later, Doomfire appears. The affected run back in a straight line. So far so good, I think to myself. Archimonde is very much a survival fight.

Things suddenly turn from good to bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a fire that’s chasing a player who is doing twists and turns throughout the raid. He cuts towards the world tree then back towards the cliff face where we initially started.

I managed to smite Archimonde for a cool 6000 damage before I drop.

The friendly sounding raid QB is gone. His voice changed to that of a stock trader wanting to know why he’s losing money.

"Why was that doomfire chasing someone into the raid? Wait, more importantly, why did that person turn into the raid causing it to cut off players?"

He proceeds to single out one of the players and asks, "Why did you not run in a straight line?"

"I didn’t hear it."

There is stunned silence. It is so quiet that a library basement would have been more noisier.

"Okay then," the raid leader says quietly, "make sure it doesn’t happen again."

Thank goodness the legal drinking age in Canada is 19.

About Matticus

Matticus is the founder of World of Matticus and Plus Heal. Read more of his columns at WoW Insider. League of Legends player. Caffeine enthusiast.

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