The Five Forms of Failure

Through the game of World of Warcraft, you will encounter frequent references involving the word fail. The usage has evolved to the point now where there are multiple types of fail which each have different meanings. As a gamer, it is now more important than ever to be able to distinguish between the various failings that people commit so that the you can make fun of them in an appropriate way.

You Fail

This type of fail is commonly directed to individuals. They commit an act that has made others around them wince. Although it is by no means the end of the world, at most, the effects will be a minor inconvenience to them and to others around them.

Examples: Hearthing back to Shattrath because they forgot gear or consumables.

Usage: WOW, you FAIL!

The Horrible Fail

An action that is a horrible fail is generally not considered far reaching or of any consequence. The fact that “you horribly fail” is attributed to a person’s skill at doing something (or more commonly, not doing something). For whatever reason, despite numerous attempts at coaching and teaching, the person is not able to step up to the level that is expected of them for the entire group to proceed.

Examples: Inability to click cubes, inability to run away from players when you are the “bomb”.

Usage: That pug group last night had some serious horrible fail going on.

The Massive Fail

Typically, the massive fail is directed at organizations instead of players. Perhaps the guild has worked on a boss for a massively long time. The massive fail is a representation of the leadership’s inability to accomplish anything meaningful. One way to tell if a Guild is massive fail is to observe their guild ad in the trade channel.

Starting Karazhan? Cool.
Have a Guild website? Perfect.
Ventrilo server? Nice.

But then they add something at the end along the likes of “we haz tabard!”

Honestly, is there nothing better to add to your ad then saying you have a tabard? That’s like my future fortune 500 company saying we’re experimenting exponential growth, 250% sales increase over the past 2 years, and that we have a logo!

But I digress.

Example: A revolving door guild that continuously attracts and loses players.

Usage: It’s a wonder how they got down Gruul with such massive fail going around.

The Failboat

Unlike the other fails, the failboat is an expression of a type of failure that has yet to occur. It’s described as a premonition or a feeling of foreshadowing. You don’t quite know what is going to happen, but you can’t shake the dread from your system.

Example: Having “that guy” in your raid, or noticing that you have a blue geared player in your Hyjal raid.

Usage: All aboard the failboat!

The Epic Fail

Lastly, but definitely in no way the least is the epic fail. Unfortunately, current society has thrown around the epic fail phrase for so long that they have forgotten the true nature and meaning of the epic fail! The epic fail is a form of failure where redemption is nigh impossible to achieve. An epic fail is a failure that only the most esteemed of failees can earn. The epic failure is of such failness that all matter moves away from them so as to not be associated.

And despite popular belief, not even the shields on the flagship of Admiral Ackbar can withstand the failpower of such magnitude.

Examples: A Warlock on a progression raid getting locked outside the doors of Illidrai council only to witness the 24 players within downing the boss while he gets a front row seat to the door of fail.

Usage: You’ll recognize it when you see it.

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About Matticus

Matticus is the founder of World of Matticus and Plus Heal. Read more of his columns at WoW Insider. League of Legends player. Caffeine enthusiast.

Comments

  1. This helps me understand my son’s speech just a little bit. I hear “you fail” and “epic failure” from him on a regular basis. But then there’s the “fail” that involves his report card and a parental WoW ban. What category does that fit into?

  2. Where would you classify a hunter accidentally putting misdirection onto a priest causing an SSC wipe?

  3. Tankette:

    I’d classify that as IRL-fail followed by parent-aggro.

    J: That, though, is hilarious. Probably a Massive-fail.

  4. @j, I would consider that Epic Fail.

  5. One line of text when applying to a guild = epic fail.

    http://www.primogeniture.org/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1041

  6. @Leiandra

    The biggest application fail I saw was a guy listing his raiding experiance. I don’t have an exact quote but it was along these lines:

    “I have very little raiding experiance on this toon, but I raided three toons up to Naxx pre-BC and up to Hyjal and BT in BC. I sold all three after I geared them.”

    I wouldn’t consider this Epic fail but it is close.

    Graylos last blog post..Forum Signatures

  7. Awesome.

    Fail is a lock on High King Maulgar trying to enslave the demons without soul shards and wondering why it isn’t working! FAILURE!

    Nics last blog post..UBA Results are In!

  8. “And despite popular belief, not even the shields on the flagship of Admiral Ackbar can withstand the failpower of such magnitude.”

    That is epic win!

    Tunas last blog post..WotLK: Build 8820 – Mage Glyphs

  9. IcE_IcE_N00b says:

    @Tankette I would call that epic pwned

  10. Want to classify this one?

    Several months ago, just after a major patch, the partner and I were invited to fill spots in a friend’s “farm” Gruul.

    Wipe 1, the mage-tank died. Oops – healers don’t to sharpen up.
    Wipe 2, same again, but there seemed to be an issue with the mage being able to spell-steal the fire-shield thing.
    Wipes 3 and 4 were getting folks a little wound up – this was farm content for 23 of them.

    Then someone asked what the hunters were MD-pulling the mage with?

    Yes, the shot that removes a magical effect, such as the fire-shield….

    *giggles*

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