12 Reasons Why Priests Don’t Make the Best Lovers
September 19, 2008 by Matticus
Filed under All Stories, Featured, Silly
Hear-ye, hear-ye, ye backstabin buccaneers!
As me learn-ed scurvy dog colleagues o’er the past few days have discussed about ye class lovers, I have discovered one thing. Ye think Priests make the finest landlubbin’ lovers, do yeh? Well ye be wrong on that count and let me tell ye why! Priests are the exact reasons why thar exists women scorned by which fury hell hath no! Nay, we be nothin’ more than gentlemen o’ fortune so ter speak.
Ye got yer Warlocks! Then ye got yer Captains! And yer goody two shoes Pal-eh-din! A lot of mateys believe that Duh-ruids are tha bettar ones in bed! And of course, Rogues do it from behind (because they’re not smart enough to do it from other positions, harrrrr har har!). Cannae’ forget our tentically hoofed buccanneers!
But here’s why hookin’ up with a Priest be like findin’ fool’s gold!
Fortitude only lasts 60 minutes
Aye, we be full of stamina and strength but fer how long? We can only go 60 minutes before we become tired out ye know!
Staves, Maces, and Daggers
We not exactly be the most skilled with our weapons. Ye never see a Priest with maxed out weapon skills! Ye think we’re any better in unarmed… combat?!
Constant drinking
There be only so much energy a Priest has before they need to batten down the hatches and drink. I find it nigh impossible that a lass would be able ter wait tha’ long fer us to recover (and plunder her booty)!
Squishy
Harrrr! Our inability to withstand pain means activities be limited! Our robes can only handle so much punishment from a cat o’ nine tails! Unless we take ‘em off…
Limited shields
Yarrrr, ye realize our shields can not withstand lovin’ power of that maggggnitude before they buckle under pressure! Oh sure they can protect ye, but for how long? And what will ye do when that bubble be breached?
Never satisfied with just one
We be busy scannin’ all the time for potential targets! We cannae always commit to one, ye know! It be too difficult for Priests to be monogamous!
Too pure
Can we consciously betray our teachings of the light? No! Thar be no such thing as a promiscuous Priest! Not ter mention, I cannae dream of a scurvy cur who’d want ter shack up with the dirty Shadowy ones! Only a wench would!
Too much Discipline
Discipline. Priests have too much of it! Even one point invested be far too much for the ordinary lass! We shan’t betray our cause or our purpose which means we not tha’ righ’ choice!
Too poor
Priests are the most lily-livered class you’ll encounter, me hearty! We don’t have the doubloons to afford even the most scallywag of Warlock wenches!
So ye see lad, while you may think that Priests make great lovers, ye best be takin’ your reasons to Davey Jones locker!
Yarrrrr!
I'm Matticus and I play a Dwarf Priest. My home is in Conquest, a raiding Guild that I have founded. Every week, I log 12 hours raiding on Ner'Zhul.
Wynthea is the Troll Priest with the best Mohawk on Firetree. Currently, I raid 4 nights a week in a hardcore guild. I started playing WoW in May 2005, and raiding end-game in May 2007. My guild is currently working through 25-man WotLK content. I've tried playing other classes, but Priests are my passion. I am extremely fond of Dwarves.... especially with Ketchup. 
My name is Sydera and I like to heal things--think Florence Nightingale with foliage. I play a night elf druid on Ner'Zhul, and I raid 12 hours a week. As a guild officer for Conquest, I coordinate healing and recruit new raiders. I started playing WoW in Fall 2005, and it was love at first click. Before I discovered the joys of Broccoli-stalk healing, I raided as a holy paladin, and I now have alts in all healing classes. I have to say, though, bark beats poofy dresses and heavy plate in my book.
T’ spittin’ image o’ a catholic priest
Ayliis last blog post..Warrior Changes in 8962
Are you a pirate or a Scotsman?
And I dunno maybe it’s a CoH thing, I find as an IDS priest, I bring a lot of spirit to my activities and can easily commit to one target if needed. Plus binding heal means I can take care of myself without ever shifting my attention.
Auzaras last blog post..Why GMs make the best lovers.
Also, you’re totally shorting us 3 reasons!
Auzaras last blog post..Why GMs make the best lovers.
Away wi’ ye, ye scurvy priest. XD
Methinks we ought ter talk in pirate-wise fashion more often in this heer blogge.
“I cannae dream of a scurvy cur who’d want ter shack up with the dirty Shadowy ones! Only a wench would!”
I’m good with that. Also, awesome list. =P
Trollin’s last blog post..A Winrar is RTZS
Don’ t be so down on your self. There is one thing you can be sure of with a priest.
They are disease free.
Graylos last blog post..WotLK Beta Update – Build 8962
@Auzara: Arrrrr! I was hopin’ someone would come up with the rest! The pirate noggin’ cannot come up with anymore!
Pshh…so long as you bring enough candles, fortitude can be rebuffed. A never-ending supply of stamina!!! Plus, a priest can fort up not only themselves but their lover as well! Ha.
haha major points for the pirate post on talk like a pirate day!!!
snostreblas last blog post..Fraps isn’t all fun and games..
Snostrebla, agreed.
As a priest, i concur with everything stated here.
but what we lose as lovers, we make up for in spirit!